Climb

Climb
Climb into my chamber,
of my cold and lonely soul.
Climb into my cluttered cobwebs,
of my dark mind out of control.
Climb into my twisted mind,
Aboard my rollercoaster of love.
Climb into my hot air balloon,
Floating high above.
Climb into my confused bubble,
hiding me from the light.
Climb into my holding hand,
and walk me through the night.
-Jinx Shadylane-
01/10/01

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Insomniac Woman Odd Relationship Fights

insomniac

In all relationships couples fight. Experts in relationships point out typical reasons for fighting like money, sex and communication. So odd fights may happen more than I think but to fight about your partners sleep patterns is just pushing limits when arguments happen. The fight goes like this……

49 hours awake I finally crash out. It was like an earthquake when I was laying in bed.  The body tremors and the hallucinations of shadows in my eyesight at the point of collapse.  This sleep was needed and I knew that I had the time to devote to the slumber.

12:00 pm on Wednesday I fell asleep and randomly like always I awoke to eat cereal, smoke a cigarette and somehow manage to make purple cool-aid. So I assumed I got up at least 5 times. A normal thing an Insomniac does “Sleepwalking.”

Thursday I sleep. All day because I know that I have the time to do so. The harsh reality is I work on Friday at 8:55A.M and if I don’t stay asleep now I will wake up and stay up. The vicious cycle of an Insomniac.

9:00pm Thursday you come home and are angry because I am not awake. You want me to come into the room where the T.V. is on and spend time with you.  Your mumbling things like ” You never want to spend time with me. ” and at that point you start to attack my sleep.

“You stay up for 3 days then sleep for 18 hours and you won’t come watch T.V. with me?” He says as I’m laying in bed my mind racing. I hate it when people attack my sleeping or my lack of sleeping. As if I picked this sickness to have.  I am half asleep and now screaming with tears rolling down my face. Head pounding with frustration, but I was awake and that’s what you wanted. I pleaded with you to understand.

I said,” Now that I am awake, my mind will take hours sometimes days to shut off.  When I am asleep, I am not worrying about falling asleep.” It doesn’t matter you’ll be upset when I am awake because I can’t sleep. I will not win.

So I am awake and now you need to sleep. 2 hours after I have been up. As my insomnia repeats itself so will this fight about sleep.  So tomorrow when you wake for work I too will be getting ready for work. On Auto-pilot going through my everyday routine. Only you will look at me and say ” You haven’t slept yet?” in a tone of disapproval.

Only you will look at me and say ” You haven’t slept yet?” in a tone of disapproval.  The same tone as the night before when you said you aren’t going to wake up. Confused about how to please you with my sleep.

Confused about how to please you with my sleep problem. After all, it is my sleep your problem.